Pygmalion Team

I woke up the Sunday morning before the season started, sharpened my pencils, rolled out my spreadsheets and was all ready for my Beastieboys.com message board yahoo! draft.

Unfortunately, the first thing I see on my league page are the draft results from the draft that occurred the previous day.

Ooops

I was greeted with this big bag of auto-drafted crap:

Michael Turner
Peyton Manning
Pierre Thomas
Roy Williams
Braylon Edwards
Kevin Walter
Owen Daniels
NYJ
Stephen Gostkowski
Willis McGahee
Matt Cassel
Nate Burleson
Miles Austin
Brandon Pettigrew
Rian Lindell



That's what happens when you put the wrong draft date on your to do list and don't rank your players.

I headed for the waiver wire to see what the kids left me. I was surprised to find some quality players still available. I asked these scrubs for their play-books and sent them packing:


Matt Cassel
Miles Austin
Brandon Pettigrew
Rian Lindell
Willis McGahee

I picked up these guys in their place:

Donld Brown
Mike Bell
A Bradshaw
James Davis
Mike Bell

Yes, I added 5 RBs after dropping the only one should have kept in McGahee. My plan is having some of these RBs pop and moving the most overrated player of the 2009 season Michael Turner for an elite WR. Let's make some deals.

Trade 1:

I traded M Turner and O Daniels for Calvin Johnson and J Witten. I now have a stud at WR & TE but a big hole at RB1. That's fine I still have assets.

Trade 2:

Much like the market, I'm looking to buy low & sell high. Thank god for that confused and terrible TB secondary allowing Roy Williams to put up some numbers in the opener. I shipped Roy and Braylon Edwards off for another JUGGERNAUT favorite, PPG WR leader from last year, my man Anquan Boldin. Between the sub-par ARI pass protection and Warner's inability to throw it more than 25 yards in the air, my man Q is set up for another big year. I gave up two guys I hate for one guy I love. Roy Williams followed up his big start with his typical 1 catch for 11 yds in week2. Between Romo's Favreish game and the strong DAL run game, anyone expecting big things from the boys passing game (sans Witten) is going to be disappointed. Braylon was ok in week2, but I have no faith in him or anyone else in CLE consistently moving the ball.

So after two weeks, this is the roster:

P Manning
C Palmer (some dope dropped him in favor of Matt Sanchez)

Thank you sir. Enjoy your rookie QB on a run heavy team with a great defense. Sanchez has looked very good, but he's not a great fantasy QB.

Pierre Thomas - What the fuck is a Lynell Hamilton anyway? If Pierre grabs hold of the job that was his and stays healthy. He will be a top10 RB, maybe top5.
Mike Bell - Pierre insurance

Donald Brown - love him, he could be a monster if Addai goes down. I think he will be starting by week8.
A Bradshaw -

Beanie Wells - Another waiver wire gem that can make some serious noise down the stretch.

WRs
Calvin Johnson - He's a top3 WR.
Anquan Boldin

Nasty Nate Burrelson
Kevin Walter
Johnny Knox - I picked him up and dropped a much hyped Chris Henry

Jay Cutler has a knack for making good WRs great. I think we might have found our boy in Knox. I wanted a Bear on my team and you can't find a WR with a cooler name than Johnny Knox.

I only have one spot filled at each of TE, D, & K - but I have the cream of the crop at each position:

Witten
Gostkoswki
NY Jets

I have one more move to make. There is a mope in my league who loves, loves, loves him some Peyton Manning. He has Chris Johnson, but I have a feeling, he will soon be mine. I can now move Manning for a stud back since I have Palmer.

I'm not going to propose the trade for him after the historic week Chris Johnson just had. I will wait until after this week because Manning is going to absolutely light up that good run stopping, no pass defending ARI squad while Chris Johnson & Tennessee struggle against an awesome NY Jet D.

P Manning vs. ARI - 380yds, 4tds

C Johnson vs NYJ - 74yds, 0 tds

Here's the current roster:

P Manning
C Palmer

P Thomas
M Bell
D Brown
A Bradshaw
C Wells

Megatron
A Boldin
K Walters
Nasty Nate
J Knox

Witten
Gostkowski
NY Jets

At 2-0, my team is looking good.




This is a good lesson for those who are dealt a bad hand and just give up. With a little creativity and elbow grease you can turn a sack of crap into something that makes you smile.

FF Wars: Episode VI – Revenge of the Sloth

Read the first two parts of the story or else this shit make you feel confused and gassy, mostly gassy.

FF Wars: Episode VI - Revenge of the Sloth

Part 3

Back on the rebel ship Han Welker informs me that we are going back to their secret rebel base to meet their master.

I search for answers.

“Why is he so interested in me?”

“There is an old prophecy that a chosen one will introduce the perfect draft strategy and bring balance to the FF Galaxy. Our master believes you are that chosen one”

Brady Skywalker informs me.

“Sometimes” Welker chirps

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, if asked our master asked last Friday you were the chosen one, by Sunday you weren’t. Tuesday night came and he decided to anoint you the chosen one, again”

“That shit gets old, yo”

Our ship lands and I’m shocked as the doors open to reveal this indecisive master.

One of the oldest and well known QB masters stands before me. He is Obi Favre Maybe Obi.



“Hey, thanks for coming.” He greats me with his laid back southern galaxy charm.

“Thanks for sending your guys and helping me out back there. I’m a bit confused though. I heard you joined the dark side and it didn’t really work out for you, so you retired again. I didn’t realize you were back in the game.”

“Well, yeah. They kind of turned on me over there. I heard about your great FF knowledge and thought that if I joined forces with you I could get my revenge on them.”

“Revenge? I thought this was about bringing balance to the galaxy.”

“Oh, did I say revenge? I meant balance. That was my daughter who was talking about revenge? She’s so sweet. I was taking her to school and…”

Suddenly animal bones rain down around us.

“Robble, robble, Favre, robble gobble football”

“Boom!”











The nastiest and most grotesque mob boss in the galaxy lands in front of us.

Jabba the Madden points a half eaten turkey leg at me.

“Ha, ha, robble it was I who robble told Emperor Al about your BOOM! vast FF knowledge. Robble gobble Bang Zoom!, I knew the potential shift of power would bring you back out of robble hiding Favre Obi.

“You put this whole thing together just to bring me out of retirement?”

“Why”

“I missed you” Jabba solemnly tells Favre Obi.

“I was robble enjoying a delicious Rancor leg when Boom! I started crying and I realized that it wasn’t just the same without you”.

“Oh, Jabba, I can’t say no to you.”

Obi Favre Maybe Obi looks at his comrades.

“Sorry guys, I’m gonna switch back to the other side for a little bit”

Obi Favre points at me and confidently utters as an obtuse and perplexing thing that only he can muster.

“You can choose to be the chosen one if you choose to choose that.”





Whack!

I awaken to the sound of my 4 year old son who has slammed his light saber next to my head on the couch.

“Are you ready to party Dadda”

I am

Enjoy the football season everyone.



Bears!