Live from The Main Event

Well, I was relaxed. My boy Matt hooked this up for me. The cover for Madden 2010:





Have a day for me Roddy.

I'm in 12th place, most of the big boys have played. Most of my guys are going to come out the gate in the 2nd round of games.

Roddy you glorious bastard!

Off to a nice start, even though it looks like I may have picked the wrong kicker.

I wanted to start the blog earlier, but Stan and the boys had me out late. I'm still a little drunk. Had a great time, all class guys here. I'll be more than happy to congradulate the winner, epecially if it's me.

I'm in 8th place

It looks like I picked the right D though. NYG is getting spanked at home.

I do what I do for you.

I might win $1,000,000, I might win $2,000 but I want you all to know how important you are to me.


Mom and dad, thank you for teaching me the importance of being a compassionate hard working man who would do anything to make things comfortable for his family. I had a moment a few years ago when I realized the most important job in the world is being a good parent. Thank you for doing your job well and giving me the tools I need to do the job well.

I hope I can do something special this weekend that will make things more comfortable for our family and improve your quality of life in your golden years.


Family v2
Thank you for everything you've done for me and my family. You have always been there for us, and I will always be there for you. It's good to know have to loving people you can count on to help us in any way you can like taking care of my beautiful children. I hate seeing you guys worry about 401ks, retirements, and taking vacation days to work on your aging car. You inspire me to work hard to do what I can to help you enjoy your life.




My brothers, i love you silly bastards. It's long been my dream to start a family business we could all get involved in that could provide financial security for all of our families. It would be good if we could be in the position where we could use our hard work, ingenuity, and creativity to run our own shit. I would love it if none of us ever had to be worried about getting laid off or fired

Let's see if Roddy White can do his part this weekend.

Baby, thank you for putting up with me and my football shit all year. Hopefully my hard work will pay off on a big way in a few days, and you can get back to doing what you do well full-time, being a great full-time mother and wife. I love you & can't wait to see tomorrow.




Choo-choo & The Screwball

I didn't know what love was until I looked in your eyes. You mean the world to me and everything I do, I do for you.







Let's see if we can bring it on home.

You get what you pay for.

"wah, wah, wah, all my running backs are hurt"

I love it. Absolutely, love it.

You should have never drafted any of these turds in the 1st place.

Turd #1: Turner (drafted 0 times), way overrated as a top5 pick. Yes, he was starting to turn it on in the two games before he got hurt, but is he in the same class as an All Day AP, MJD, or even a Ray Rice? No

Turd#2: Westbrook (drafted 1 time - yeah so what I took a flyer on him once in round3) Always a good player and always hurt, you knew as soon as you clicked that draft button he was heading to the injury report. That's why I drafted Shady McCoy on 26 of 47 of my teams.

Turd#3: Benson (drafted 0 times) Ok, I admit Cedric is one of the few guys I felt I missed the boat on. I saw every game he played in Chicago, and he never, ever ran in Chicago like he was running prior to the injury. Reportedly, Bernard Scott (drafted 4 times) had a great camp and had a shot to supplant him. Now Marvin Lewis is taking a good amount of heat for overusing Benson, and with the way Scott has been running this will be a 70-30 timeshare when Benson returns. Don't expect any more 35+ carry old school Larry Johnson performances.

Turd#4: Big Larry (drafted 0 times) Did you really think this turd who has done nothing in 2 years was going to get rejuvenated and have a comeback season. On a bad KC team, with a bad Matt Cassell leading the charge?


If you're having RB problems I don't feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but RB depth ain't one.

Don't call it a comeback!

Sixth of fourteen in my personal power rankings but 1st in my heart, my flagship Juggernaut team has come roaring back after starting 3-7 to finish the regular season 11-7 and make this week's championship game.

Thinking I got three first round talents in Brees, S-Jax, & Westbrook I felt great about this team's chances. Starting slow at 3-7 I was pretty bummed about this team knowing the core was strong and it had a good chance to compete.

Even with 46 other teams in various leagues and contests I NEVER GAVE UP.

Seeing a deficiency in my WR3 slot I bid a big chunk of my FA $ money on Kevin Walter. My $34 bid won Walter with someone bidding $31 for him.

What seemed like a bone head move two weeks ago could prove to be the most important move I made. With O Daniels out for the season and Houston's upcoming schedule (6/6 likely in good weather) Walter is lined up for a big second half:

11 TEN @HOU
12 IND @HOU
13 HOU @JAC
14 SEA @HOU
15 HOU @STL
16 HOU @MIA

I think I have the ingredients to cook up something special for the play-offs.

2 Elite QBs in Brees & J-Cut
2 Work Horse RBs in S-Jax and Mendy, Westbrook, McCoy and Donald Brown off the bench
#1 overall WR in V-Jax, the most consistent and underrated player in Welker, and a lil' firepower for my WR3
#1 and #2 TEs in Clark & V Davis
A nasty & filthy PIT Defense that will be #1 after a few of the upcoming tomato cans they have on the schedule.
A couple of good kickers in Folk & Elam operating out of domes

Mix well

Anybody want to see a team start 3-7 and win $1,000,000? I know I do.



For you youngsters that don't understand the picture at the top of the post.

All Galaxy

My apologizes to the two people who inquired about my lack of recent blog updates. Managing 50 fantasy teams can be quite time consuming. Going forward, I will be updating the blog weekly every Friday. Now, let's get down to business...

Yesterday was All Saints Day, and if you were smart you started all your Saints. I expect Drew Brees to put on an absolute passing clinic tonight on MNF.

Brees is at his best when he's at home and feels threatened by a good offense. ATL's secondary is banged up and will be playing catch-up all night. They won't even try to get the overrated Michael Turner and his 2 yards per pop going. I think ATL will be able to put up enough points through the air to keep this a contest until the 3rd qtr. I play in the PayTheFan contest where you can play any player any week, and I have been frothing at the mouth waiting for this week to unleash Brees. My man Drew is going to light up the Superdome to the tune of 410yds and 5 TDs. Get your popcorn ready, and enjoy the All Galaxy performance.

Pygmalion Team

I woke up the Sunday morning before the season started, sharpened my pencils, rolled out my spreadsheets and was all ready for my Beastieboys.com message board yahoo! draft.

Unfortunately, the first thing I see on my league page are the draft results from the draft that occurred the previous day.

Ooops

I was greeted with this big bag of auto-drafted crap:

Michael Turner
Peyton Manning
Pierre Thomas
Roy Williams
Braylon Edwards
Kevin Walter
Owen Daniels
NYJ
Stephen Gostkowski
Willis McGahee
Matt Cassel
Nate Burleson
Miles Austin
Brandon Pettigrew
Rian Lindell



That's what happens when you put the wrong draft date on your to do list and don't rank your players.

I headed for the waiver wire to see what the kids left me. I was surprised to find some quality players still available. I asked these scrubs for their play-books and sent them packing:


Matt Cassel
Miles Austin
Brandon Pettigrew
Rian Lindell
Willis McGahee

I picked up these guys in their place:

Donld Brown
Mike Bell
A Bradshaw
James Davis
Mike Bell

Yes, I added 5 RBs after dropping the only one should have kept in McGahee. My plan is having some of these RBs pop and moving the most overrated player of the 2009 season Michael Turner for an elite WR. Let's make some deals.

Trade 1:

I traded M Turner and O Daniels for Calvin Johnson and J Witten. I now have a stud at WR & TE but a big hole at RB1. That's fine I still have assets.

Trade 2:

Much like the market, I'm looking to buy low & sell high. Thank god for that confused and terrible TB secondary allowing Roy Williams to put up some numbers in the opener. I shipped Roy and Braylon Edwards off for another JUGGERNAUT favorite, PPG WR leader from last year, my man Anquan Boldin. Between the sub-par ARI pass protection and Warner's inability to throw it more than 25 yards in the air, my man Q is set up for another big year. I gave up two guys I hate for one guy I love. Roy Williams followed up his big start with his typical 1 catch for 11 yds in week2. Between Romo's Favreish game and the strong DAL run game, anyone expecting big things from the boys passing game (sans Witten) is going to be disappointed. Braylon was ok in week2, but I have no faith in him or anyone else in CLE consistently moving the ball.

So after two weeks, this is the roster:

P Manning
C Palmer (some dope dropped him in favor of Matt Sanchez)

Thank you sir. Enjoy your rookie QB on a run heavy team with a great defense. Sanchez has looked very good, but he's not a great fantasy QB.

Pierre Thomas - What the fuck is a Lynell Hamilton anyway? If Pierre grabs hold of the job that was his and stays healthy. He will be a top10 RB, maybe top5.
Mike Bell - Pierre insurance

Donald Brown - love him, he could be a monster if Addai goes down. I think he will be starting by week8.
A Bradshaw -

Beanie Wells - Another waiver wire gem that can make some serious noise down the stretch.

WRs
Calvin Johnson - He's a top3 WR.
Anquan Boldin

Nasty Nate Burrelson
Kevin Walter
Johnny Knox - I picked him up and dropped a much hyped Chris Henry

Jay Cutler has a knack for making good WRs great. I think we might have found our boy in Knox. I wanted a Bear on my team and you can't find a WR with a cooler name than Johnny Knox.

I only have one spot filled at each of TE, D, & K - but I have the cream of the crop at each position:

Witten
Gostkoswki
NY Jets

I have one more move to make. There is a mope in my league who loves, loves, loves him some Peyton Manning. He has Chris Johnson, but I have a feeling, he will soon be mine. I can now move Manning for a stud back since I have Palmer.

I'm not going to propose the trade for him after the historic week Chris Johnson just had. I will wait until after this week because Manning is going to absolutely light up that good run stopping, no pass defending ARI squad while Chris Johnson & Tennessee struggle against an awesome NY Jet D.

P Manning vs. ARI - 380yds, 4tds

C Johnson vs NYJ - 74yds, 0 tds

Here's the current roster:

P Manning
C Palmer

P Thomas
M Bell
D Brown
A Bradshaw
C Wells

Megatron
A Boldin
K Walters
Nasty Nate
J Knox

Witten
Gostkowski
NY Jets

At 2-0, my team is looking good.




This is a good lesson for those who are dealt a bad hand and just give up. With a little creativity and elbow grease you can turn a sack of crap into something that makes you smile.

FF Wars: Episode VI – Revenge of the Sloth

Read the first two parts of the story or else this shit make you feel confused and gassy, mostly gassy.

FF Wars: Episode VI - Revenge of the Sloth

Part 3

Back on the rebel ship Han Welker informs me that we are going back to their secret rebel base to meet their master.

I search for answers.

“Why is he so interested in me?”

“There is an old prophecy that a chosen one will introduce the perfect draft strategy and bring balance to the FF Galaxy. Our master believes you are that chosen one”

Brady Skywalker informs me.

“Sometimes” Welker chirps

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, if asked our master asked last Friday you were the chosen one, by Sunday you weren’t. Tuesday night came and he decided to anoint you the chosen one, again”

“That shit gets old, yo”

Our ship lands and I’m shocked as the doors open to reveal this indecisive master.

One of the oldest and well known QB masters stands before me. He is Obi Favre Maybe Obi.



“Hey, thanks for coming.” He greats me with his laid back southern galaxy charm.

“Thanks for sending your guys and helping me out back there. I’m a bit confused though. I heard you joined the dark side and it didn’t really work out for you, so you retired again. I didn’t realize you were back in the game.”

“Well, yeah. They kind of turned on me over there. I heard about your great FF knowledge and thought that if I joined forces with you I could get my revenge on them.”

“Revenge? I thought this was about bringing balance to the galaxy.”

“Oh, did I say revenge? I meant balance. That was my daughter who was talking about revenge? She’s so sweet. I was taking her to school and…”

Suddenly animal bones rain down around us.

“Robble, robble, Favre, robble gobble football”

“Boom!”











The nastiest and most grotesque mob boss in the galaxy lands in front of us.

Jabba the Madden points a half eaten turkey leg at me.

“Ha, ha, robble it was I who robble told Emperor Al about your BOOM! vast FF knowledge. Robble gobble Bang Zoom!, I knew the potential shift of power would bring you back out of robble hiding Favre Obi.

“You put this whole thing together just to bring me out of retirement?”

“Why”

“I missed you” Jabba solemnly tells Favre Obi.

“I was robble enjoying a delicious Rancor leg when Boom! I started crying and I realized that it wasn’t just the same without you”.

“Oh, Jabba, I can’t say no to you.”

Obi Favre Maybe Obi looks at his comrades.

“Sorry guys, I’m gonna switch back to the other side for a little bit”

Obi Favre points at me and confidently utters as an obtuse and perplexing thing that only he can muster.

“You can choose to be the chosen one if you choose to choose that.”





Whack!

I awaken to the sound of my 4 year old son who has slammed his light saber next to my head on the couch.

“Are you ready to party Dadda”

I am

Enjoy the football season everyone.



Bears!