Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lovie Smith's 5 Keys to losing a NFC Champopnship game



1. Give a typical yawn inducing Lovie pre-game speech to ensure your
team starts the game flat.

Lovie say's: Well, I thought about using one of the record setting
26 Hall of Fame players from the rich, storied history of the
Chicago Bears and maybe having a guest speech, but nah. I can bring the ruckus.

2. If you're playing at home and win the coin-toss, make sure you
take your crowd out of the game by deferring and kicking to the
hottest offense in football.

Love say's: Well, I thought it would be interesting to see if they
could march down the field and score to neutralize our home field advantage.

3. Do everything you need to do to take points off of the board.
If you have the 2nd most accurate kicker in FUCKING NFL HISTORY, don't let him attempt a 49 yd FG or a 51 yd FG in light wind (8 MPH) conditions. Robbie Gould had a 58% success rate from 49 yds,and a 75% success rate from 51 yds in 2010.

Lovie say's: Well, I didn't think those 6 points would help us
because we lost the game by 7, even though we were in field goal
range again when Caleb Hanie threw the final interception to seal
the loss. Why take the risk of putting points on the board when we
can punt it for 11 yards?

4.Todd Collins is my 2nd string quarterback. Todd Collins is my 2nd
string quarterback.

Lovie say's: Well, I only had about 20 weeks to evaluate our QB
depth chart and I always liked Todd Collins "blind master style"
pocket presence and ability to do absolutely nothing.

5. To keep the other coaching staff off-balance, make the most
absurd play call you can think of. Like an end around to the slowest WR on the team on FUCKING 3rd & 3 WITH A FUCKING MINUTE LEFT IN THE FUCKING NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AGAINST THE FUCKING GREEN BAY FUCKING PACKERS.

Lovie say's: Well, instead of calling a more traditional play with a
much higher success rate of getting 1-5 yards like a dive, sweep,
counter, or trap I decided to go on ahead and try an end around to
our slowest WR. I figured it was a good time to go ahead and test a
play that usually results in a loss and rarely results in a big gain.



I didn't watch the game with my 5 year old son. He wasn't privy
to the obscenities I hurled at the screen during the game. I didn't tell him my opinion of the game and when I asked him what he thought of the game he said "I'm mad at the Bears coach because they should have won that game". You're right
son, you're right.

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