FF Wars: Episode VI - Revenge of the Sloth
Part 3
Back on the rebel ship Han Welker informs me that we are going back to their secret rebel base to meet their master.
I search for answers.
“Why is he so interested in me?”
“There is an old prophecy that a chosen one will introduce the perfect draft strategy and bring balance to the FF Galaxy. Our master believes you are that chosen one”
Brady Skywalker informs me.
“Sometimes” Welker chirps
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Well, if asked our master asked last Friday you were the chosen one, by Sunday you weren’t. Tuesday night came and he decided to anoint you the chosen one, again”
“That shit gets old, yo”
Our ship lands and I’m shocked as the doors open to reveal this indecisive master.
One of the oldest and well known QB masters stands before me. He is Obi Favre Maybe Obi.
“Hey, thanks for coming.” He greats me with his laid back southern galaxy charm.
“Thanks for sending your guys and helping me out back there. I’m a bit confused though. I heard you joined the dark side and it didn’t really work out for you, so you retired again. I didn’t realize you were back in the game.”
“Well, yeah. They kind of turned on me over there. I heard about your great FF knowledge and thought that if I joined forces with you I could get my revenge on them.”
“Revenge? I thought this was about bringing balance to the galaxy.”
“Oh, did I say revenge? I meant balance. That was my daughter who was talking about revenge? She’s so sweet. I was taking her to school and…”
Suddenly animal bones rain down around us.
“Robble, robble, Favre, robble gobble football”
“Boom!”
The nastiest and most grotesque mob boss in the galaxy lands in front of us.
Jabba the Madden points a half eaten turkey leg at me.
“Ha, ha, robble it was I who robble told Emperor Al about your BOOM! vast FF knowledge. Robble gobble Bang Zoom!, I knew the potential shift of power would bring you back out of robble hiding Favre Obi.
“You put this whole thing together just to bring me out of retirement?”
“Why”
“I missed you” Jabba solemnly tells Favre Obi.
“I was robble enjoying a delicious Rancor leg when Boom! I started crying and I realized that it wasn’t just the same without you”.
“Oh, Jabba, I can’t say no to you.”
Obi Favre Maybe Obi looks at his comrades.
“Sorry guys, I’m gonna switch back to the other side for a little bit”
Obi Favre points at me and confidently utters as an obtuse and perplexing thing that only he can muster.
“You can choose to be the chosen one if you choose to choose that.”
Whack!
I awaken to the sound of my 4 year old son who has slammed his light saber next to my head on the couch.
“Are you ready to party Dadda”
I am
Enjoy the football season everyone.
Bears!
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