FF WARS: Episode IV - Escape from Oakland

I have been spending way too much time thinking about fantasy football lately. I couldn’t sleep last night as I pondered the choice of handcuffing Adrian Peterson or selecting a timeshare RB with upside. I had to do something. I thought watching a movie might take my mind off all this madness. I put on one of my favorites; The Empire Strikes Back. My football thoughts intermingled with the movie as I drift off to sleep. My conscience was devoured by a bizarre world of FF and intergalactic chaos. This is my best attempt to give you a view into my mind’s eye and share my experience with you. I give you:



FF Wars
Part IV – Escape from Oakland

Some kind of cloth tightly covers my head. The cloth is semi-transparent but I still can’t see anything clearly. Blurry images slither around the dark room as I try to figure who or what brought me here. Suddenly, I hear pneumatics trigger a door open and a large heavy breathing figure marches towards me. He rips the cloth off my head and walks past me into the shadows. I don’t get a chance to turn and look as a voice in the distance startles me.

“Do you know why you are here?”

The dark cloaked figure asks.

“I don’t know where the hell I am, or who you are.”

He slowly turns to reveal himself.

“I am Emperor Al. The most powerful being in the galaxy”



“Oh, I know you. You're that old crazy guy that can’t draft…”

“Silence!”

Do you realize how easily I could crush you?

“I have brought you here for a reason. I’ve been told that you have the best FF mind in the galaxy. I need your knowledge to complete the circle. With my wealth and power and your knowledge, together we can rule the FF Galaxy! Will you join me?”

“Well my wife is pregnant and I have to work tomorrow… “

“Silence!”

“Why do you keep asking me questions, and then scream silence?”

“Yeah, my mind’s kinda going on me.”

“Listen, I’m flattered, but you’re crazy and tough to look at it. I think I’m gonna have to go ahead and say no.”

“I can’t let your powerful mind be an asset to one of my adversaries.”

“Destroy him my apprentice!”

The large heavy breathing figure steps out from the shadows.

He is Emperor Al’s apprentice, Darth Russell.



He raises his hands and uses some kind of force type power to hurl objects from around the room at me. I’m too shocked to move. I stand frozen as one after one the objects land at me feet and fly over my head.

“Dammit” He screams.

One of the wayward objects breaks a door open. I take my chance and run through it. I run down a corridor and hear a voice instruct me.

“This way if you want to live!”

A cloaked figure in blue jeans motions for me to move to the left. He scurries into the doorway. I follow behind and find myself on a runway. The helpful cloaked figure has disappeared. In the distance I see a fur covered vehicle with floppy ears. It looks like the car from Dumb and Dumber with wings.

A football shaped light object slams against the wall a few feet above my head. Darth Russell is still in hot pursuit just a few feet behind me.

I enter the ship, slam it into gear and take off into the unknown. A few minutes pass as I gather my thoughts. I hear a noise from behind me, I turn and see the galaxy’s most feared killer for fire; Boba Vick. He hits me with the blunt end of his rifle and knocks me out.



Is this the end for me?
How crazier can this shit get?
Does this dream mean anything?

Will these questions be answered in the next installment?

Episode V – The Quest for Traffic