Camp Report: Beware of Bears

I wanted to send someone to Bears camp who would look at everything objectively and not let their blind love for the team stand in the way of fair and balanced reporting. Well, we couldn't find a person that would accept a six pack of Old Style, 2 Italian Beefs and $10 in gas money to do it. Instead, we sent long time Bears fan and Joliet, IL native Dan Ballinski. Here is his unedited report:

When I first got to camp I was excited to see how packed the parking lot was. Bean bags and sausages my friend. I have been at every Bear camp since 1988 except 1998 and I can say I have not seen so many of my Bear fan brothers out in full force. I heard that there was more than 6,000 spectators in the house. That's the most since 1986 when a certain team, led by a certain man known only as Iron Mike led us to the promise land. Let me tell you this my friend, this is another special team led by another special man. This man's name is Jay Cutler.



He hasn't thrown an official pass as a Bear yet, but I can tell you this - he will be the greatest NFL quarterback of all time.
He seemed to float over horizon as he strutted onto the field. He only signed a few autographs, but that's ok, I don't want my QB wasting his energy signing autographs. Although, I'm sure he has plenty of energy in those strong, rippling biceps. I heard that he bench pressed 300lbs over 50 times at the combine a few years ago. Anyway, he got behind center and right out of the box, zing! right to Hester who took it to the house. Holy crap is this guy good!

The next series he was even better, he hit Olsen and then Rashied Davis with a rocket fueled pass that bounced off his hands. I yelled at him, I said 'Hey Jay, take it easy you're gonna break his hands!". I think he looked in my direction, but I don't know for sure. Wow! This guy is awesome. Fuck Favre. Too bad Walter couldn't have been here to see this guy. He would have been so proud. R.I.P Sweetness.

You won't believe what happened next. They lined Cutler up in this wildcat formation. The fans started going nuts. He lined up on the left and Hester took the snap. Hester busted it up the middle for a nice little gain. Crap are you serious? Cutler and Hester in the wildcat? This could be the next Montana to Rice, or better! Think Montana to Rice and then Rice back to Montana times two. This is going to be unstoppable! Cutler will throw at least 50 TDs and break the record. He might catch another 25 out of this formation. How's that for a wrinkle? He might have 75 TDs total this year.

Stop that Packers!

Ballinski Out

The classics never die.