Dynamic Duo

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After Thursday you are going to have to pay a much larger price for two of my favorite draft selections. Both Donald Brown (77%) and LeSean McCoy (70%) make their network TV prime time debut on Fox when the Eagles travel to the Colts.

But Juggernaut, I like these guys and I wanted to draft them according to their ADPs, but they weren’t there when I thought they would be.

That’s probably because I swooped in and gobbled them up 5 – 10 picks before their known ADP. While many have been wasting their picks in the same rounds on the Kyle Ortons (3%), Ted Ginns (0%) and Michael Crabtrees (0%) of the world I have been loading up on these 2 Juggernaut favorites.

If you like a player you have to be willing to pay a little bit more than the next guy.

But Juggernaut, they aren’t even starters.

Jospeh Addai (0%) sucks, and the Colts took Brown in the 1st round for a reason. Addai has topped 100 yds once in his past 20 games. Do you think the Colts are happy with that lack of production? I know what did make the Colts happy was seeing my man Brown turn his 1st 3 sensational looking runs last weekend into 55 yards, against the MIN top run defense . Brown will be starting by week 4 and he will be a top10, maybe top5 RB (PPG) this year.

My Over / Under on starts for Brown is 10.

Giggaty

Westbrook is still one of the best players in the league, but between the likelihood of him being injured and the use of LeSean to keep him fresh, LeSean will be a borderline weekly flex / RB2 play. If he gets starts because Westbrook is hurt, he’s also a top 10 maybe top 5 back. He is a perfect fit for the Philly system and will be productive even when Westbrook starts.

Giggaty goo

My Over / Under on starts for McCoy is 4.

Both of my guys will be rocketing up the draft boards as Joe Buck and Troy Aikman hurl superlatives at them Thursday night. I’m almost done drafting so enjoy having to draft them a round or three earlier than I did. Sheep follow other sheep to slaughter, the Fox chills with a cocktail and watches the points roll up on Sunday afternoons.

*The percentage that trails the player name is the Juggernaut ownership percentage.

Yawn

I'm not surprised at all Favre signed with the Vikes today. In true JUGGERNAUT form I called it last Wednesday.








Here's my post from 8/12/09:

BOLD PREDICTION: Favre still signs with Vikes.

As soon as he sees Sage throws a bad pass he'll be on the phone with good old Buzz Cook.

1. He left the door open with his last round of shenanigans.
2. His football juices will be flowing watching the pre-season games this weekend.
3. He wanted to skip as much camp as possible
4. Childress spent all off-season fantasizing and drawing up plays. I don't care what the Vikes brass said, they will still take him
5. You know it's killing him right now that he hasn't gotten a mention EPSN or the NFL network in the past 2 days.
6. I've seen Tavaris throw a deep ball, it's not pretty

As a Bear fan, I hope he comes back. I think Sage is a better fit there and I would love to see the boys put him on the ground a few more times.



The Vikings have a fantastic defense and excellent skill players. I think they are an 11 - 5 team with or with out him. I think because of his name and surrounding cast he will be a borderline pro-bowler. Sure there will be some high light reel plays where he dumps it off to Percy and he takes it 60 yds for a TD. He'll also throw some stupid picks. From a fantasy standpoint I expect to outperform Ben Roethlisburger, Eli Manning and Tony Romo.
I'm looking forward to him bringing his sorry ass to Chicago 12/28 and wanting no part of the frigid Chicago winds howling off the lake. I hope the division is on the line as he makes his typical Favretastic play and throws a pick 6 to Lance Briggs ending the Vikes division title hopes. You don't get to play all your games in a dome champ. Favre is 1-5 in his last 6 vs. the Bear, where he was outscored 140 - 63. I like our chances vs a gunslinger with a rusty old pistol.

Don’t believe the hype.

Recently Yahoo! did a piece on last year’s $1,000,000 FFOC winner Shane Schroeder. I came to the following conclusions after reading the piece; Shane is either much, much luckier than I originally thought or he’s very clever. I think it’s more likely the former rather than the latter. I’m still shocked he won after essentially wasting his first two picks by drafting two of the biggest busts last year in Addai and Larry Johnson. I knew both of those scrubs were way overvalued last year and didn’t draft either one of them on any of my ten teams.

Here is some of Shane’s advice for this year:

“I lean toward running backs; I’ve always done that.”

“There were quite a few young players who performed well last year so I think people are drafting rookies a little higher than they should,”

I urge anyone who drafts with me to follow his advice, because I think it sucks.

I don’t know which RBs he plans on overpaying for this year, but I hope they are the same guys I have been avoiding. I’m more than happy taking a few stud WRs with my first few picks and then rolling the dice in the later rounds on some high upside rookie and 2nd year RBs. Kids, this is how you draft like a champion:

Pick 9 - 85` Bears III
Round 1 : WR Larry Fitzgerald
Round 2 : WR Randy Moss
Round 3 : QB Donovan McNabb
Round 4 : RB Pierre Thomas
Round 5 : QB Matt Schaub
Round 6 : RB Darren McFadden
Round 7 : TE Greg Olsen
Round 8 : RB Chris Wells
Round 9 : TDSP Pittsburgh Steelers
Round 10 : RB Felix Jones
Round 11 : WR Donald Driver
Round 12 : RB LeSean McCoy
Round 13 : WR Percy Harvin
Round 14 : WR Chris Chambers
Round 15 : WR Mark Clayton
Round 16 : RB Tim Hightower
Round 17 : QB Marc Bulger
Round 18 : TE Vernon Davis
Round 19 : K Kris Brown
Round 20 : K Shayne Graham

Keep in mind this is a 2 QB league.
I didn’t take a RB until round 4 and I’m more than happy going to war with squad:

Donovan McNabb
Matt Schaub
Marc Bulger

Two top10 QBs, one of those guys could flirt with top5.

Larry Fitzgerald
Randy Moss
Donald Driver
Percy Harvin
Chris Chambers
Mark Clayton

I have the top 2 WRs & love having Driver’s consistency as my WR3

Pierre Thomas
Darren McFadden
Chris Wells
Felix Jones
LeSean McCoy
Tim Hightower

All of my backs will contribute and any one of them is an injury or depth chart change away from being a top10 back, maybe top5.

Greg Olsen
Vernon Davis

Solid

Pittsburgh Steelers

#1 D

Kris Brown
Shayne Graham

Meh, what can you really say about kickers?

Maybe you shouldn’t take my advice since I didn’t make the final 15 last year and win any of that Vegas money. Yeah, you should follow Shane’s lead since he finished 1st and won the million. Gotta go, off to the draft room!

Didn't get my PE itch fully scratched.

All Ugly Team

There’s a large contingent of mouth breathers that still believe Obama is a Muslim assassin that wasn’t born in this country. They stomped their feet and demanded to see his birth certificate. I say the real search should be for Chris Hovan’s birth certificate. I am convinced he is some ½ hog ½ man type creature that was created at some kind of Dr. Moreau's island operation.

Chris Hoavn





Yikes! I hope you can handle a close-up. "I saw him! I saw the Pigman Jerry".







Martin Gramatica

Everyteam needs a kicker, and you could do a whole piece on ugly kickers.I think you can pick either of the flying Granaitca brothers to lead the group.







Mark Gastineau


I know the 80’s weren’t good to allot of us, especially when we stepped up the barber’s chair and said “Hey, make me look like a big ugly poodle.” I think Mark Gastineau takes the cake. A real stroke, he's one of the originators of the ‘I just jumped on the pile and recorded ½ an assisted sack’ dance. If by some chance of fate you are ever tempted by Bridgette Neilson, remember ‘Gas’ had her, then Rocky, then Flava Flav. That’s not a list you want your name on.





Dwayne Rudd
Ok, I know Dwayne's not that ugly, but I've always hated his ass, so he gets a nod. Most Bears fans will always remember Dwayne for heckling a would be tackler and putting the ball in his face as he ran backwards into the endzone on an interception return. He is the only player in NFL history to cost his team a game for prematurely celebrating by taking off his helmet and showing the world his shame. Dwaye, this ugly mug's for you.



AJ Hawk
Ok, this is the last time I mess with the Hawkster, at least for this week. Do an image search for AJ Hawk and you'll find some fun stuff. Here are a few:



This photo has not been edited.



I don't know how big the truck full of cash was that Under Armour backed up to his crib, but wow, let that lil' guy breathe.

FF Wars: Episode V – The Quest for Traffic

(make sure you read part 1, Epsisode IV first or this shit will make no sense)

I awaken, my face is covered again. I hear two voices engaged in a celebratory conversation. They speak in English, but I have a hard time making out what’s being said. One voice is garbled and hard to understand. The only words I can make out are the interjections he emphasizes. The other voice is unquestionably Bobba Vick.

“I will bring him to you..”

The conversation ends and I hear a few clicks as I feel the ship hurl us through space.

“What are going to do with me?”

The feared killer walks over and takes the hood of my head.

“I’m taking you to see someone” The bounty hunter tells me.

“Who?”

“You’ll see when we get there. Now if you keep asking me questions we gonna have a little fun. For starters I’m gonna choke your ass a little, then I’m gonna…”

Suddenly an explosion rocks the ship’s cabin. It quickly fills with smoke and flames.
Boba Vick tightly grips the controls as he fights to keep the ship from crashing. We slam into the ground with a viscous thud. I see a light beam cut into the side of the ship, a piece of the ship is kicked in. Two of the most well known rebels in the FF galaxy enter; Brady Skywalker & Han Welker.





“What’s good, yo?” Han Welker looks in Boba Vick’s direction.

“Aw, yeah. We’ve been looking for your punk ass”

Welker aims his blaster at Boba vick.

Boba Vick hits a button on his belt and his jet pack propels him through a window out of the ship and into space.

“I’m gonna get that weasel” Solo informs his friend.

“Let’s worry about him later. We have to get this guy out of here”

Brady Skywalker offers me his hand.

“Brady Skywalker, good to meet you”

“I know you, you’re in those commercials.”

My comment aggravates Han Welker.

“Yeah, ask him how many times he’s lead the galaxy in receptions. He hasn’t done shit yet, and he’s getting seven figures to pimp fancy underwear. That shit doesn’t leave too much to the imagination, just ask your boy.”

“He’s not my boy. He’s just my sister’s boyfriend” Skywalker angrily tells Solo.

“Yeah, he’s your boy. Why you let him stay at your crib if he ain’t your boy?”

“You’re just jealous because you used to kick it with her, until she met him.”

“Yeah, he’s a catch, two hundred fifty pounds of dynamite with a ¼ fuse. Why don’t you go oil up your chest or something.”

The object of the debate walks into the ship. He is the mighty ChewHawka.



I’ve heard many tales of the mighty ChewHawka, he's an imposing figure. But, what the fuck is going on with his crotch? I become fixated with it as I fight the urge to stare at it.

“What you guys talking bout?”

Brady Skywalker scrambles for an answer as Welker giggles to himself.

“Stuff” Brady informs him.

“We were just talking about how we were sent on this mission by our master”

“Who is your master, and why is he interested in me” I ask.

“Um, he uh, kinda took an oath to get out of the war, so he sent us”

Not even the curious answers to my query about this mysterious master can take me attention away from ChewHawka’s crotch.

Jesus…I hope I wake up soon.

What kind of other whacky creatures will I run into next?

Find out in the final installment Episode VI...or is it Episode III, no it’s VI – Revenge of the Sloth!

FF WARS: Episode IV - Escape from Oakland

I have been spending way too much time thinking about fantasy football lately. I couldn’t sleep last night as I pondered the choice of handcuffing Adrian Peterson or selecting a timeshare RB with upside. I had to do something. I thought watching a movie might take my mind off all this madness. I put on one of my favorites; The Empire Strikes Back. My football thoughts intermingled with the movie as I drift off to sleep. My conscience was devoured by a bizarre world of FF and intergalactic chaos. This is my best attempt to give you a view into my mind’s eye and share my experience with you. I give you:



FF Wars
Part IV – Escape from Oakland

Some kind of cloth tightly covers my head. The cloth is semi-transparent but I still can’t see anything clearly. Blurry images slither around the dark room as I try to figure who or what brought me here. Suddenly, I hear pneumatics trigger a door open and a large heavy breathing figure marches towards me. He rips the cloth off my head and walks past me into the shadows. I don’t get a chance to turn and look as a voice in the distance startles me.

“Do you know why you are here?”

The dark cloaked figure asks.

“I don’t know where the hell I am, or who you are.”

He slowly turns to reveal himself.

“I am Emperor Al. The most powerful being in the galaxy”



“Oh, I know you. You're that old crazy guy that can’t draft…”

“Silence!”

Do you realize how easily I could crush you?

“I have brought you here for a reason. I’ve been told that you have the best FF mind in the galaxy. I need your knowledge to complete the circle. With my wealth and power and your knowledge, together we can rule the FF Galaxy! Will you join me?”

“Well my wife is pregnant and I have to work tomorrow… “

“Silence!”

“Why do you keep asking me questions, and then scream silence?”

“Yeah, my mind’s kinda going on me.”

“Listen, I’m flattered, but you’re crazy and tough to look at it. I think I’m gonna have to go ahead and say no.”

“I can’t let your powerful mind be an asset to one of my adversaries.”

“Destroy him my apprentice!”

The large heavy breathing figure steps out from the shadows.

He is Emperor Al’s apprentice, Darth Russell.



He raises his hands and uses some kind of force type power to hurl objects from around the room at me. I’m too shocked to move. I stand frozen as one after one the objects land at me feet and fly over my head.

“Dammit” He screams.

One of the wayward objects breaks a door open. I take my chance and run through it. I run down a corridor and hear a voice instruct me.

“This way if you want to live!”

A cloaked figure in blue jeans motions for me to move to the left. He scurries into the doorway. I follow behind and find myself on a runway. The helpful cloaked figure has disappeared. In the distance I see a fur covered vehicle with floppy ears. It looks like the car from Dumb and Dumber with wings.

A football shaped light object slams against the wall a few feet above my head. Darth Russell is still in hot pursuit just a few feet behind me.

I enter the ship, slam it into gear and take off into the unknown. A few minutes pass as I gather my thoughts. I hear a noise from behind me, I turn and see the galaxy’s most feared killer for fire; Boba Vick. He hits me with the blunt end of his rifle and knocks me out.



Is this the end for me?
How crazier can this shit get?
Does this dream mean anything?

Will these questions be answered in the next installment?

Episode V – The Quest for Traffic

Fuck Tony Dungy

Yeah, that's right. Fuck Tony Dungy. A few years ago Tony Dungy freaked out and caused a ruckus over a MNF / Desperate Housewives spot that featured a towel only clad Nicollette Sheridan and Terrell Owens. He said that it it was racist because it played to the stereotype that black male athletes like hot blond women.




I'm guessing Tony's not a fan of either the 'Kendra' or the Kardashian show.

Sooooooo, a suggestive TV spot is outrageous and racist, but my man couldn't wait to take an alleged dog torturer like Mike Vick under his wing and show him the light. Ok to torture dogs, but not ok to be in a commercial with a woman wearing only a towel?

Don't get me wrong, I think Vick, like any person, or dog, deserves a second chance. By all accounts Vick wasn't so compassionate when one of his dogs lost a fight, but he did his time and deserves the right to earn a living. But the fact that Moral High Priest Dungy has decided to take him under his wing is currently stuck firmly in my craw.

I mean, it's not like a good amount of NFL players are adulterous seed spreaders with a divorce rate that by some estimates is as high as 80%. I wonder why the divorce rate is so high? Not because they could possibly be so outrageously unfaithful. Let's ask Steve McNair about that one...oh wait. Too soon? I don't want to make light of a man losing his life but I hope the McNair tragedy serves as a reminder that maybe some big-ballin' athletes might be better served spending time at home with their family opposed to be out buying Escalades for crazy broads with itchy trigger fingers. The world could use a few less children without fathers who want to be a part of their life.



Don't keep more than one floozy at the same condo at the same time fellas!

Sometimes stereotypes are a little closer to reality then we would like to believe.

You could field an entire team with the offspring of Derrick Thomas and Shawn Kemp, maybe a deep practice squad too.

By all accounts Tony is generally a 'good guy' and a very religious man. I guess thou shall not be in a commercial with a hot blonde supersedes Thou Shall Not Kill.

Priorities Tony, priorities...

Camp Report: Beware of Bears

I wanted to send someone to Bears camp who would look at everything objectively and not let their blind love for the team stand in the way of fair and balanced reporting. Well, we couldn't find a person that would accept a six pack of Old Style, 2 Italian Beefs and $10 in gas money to do it. Instead, we sent long time Bears fan and Joliet, IL native Dan Ballinski. Here is his unedited report:

When I first got to camp I was excited to see how packed the parking lot was. Bean bags and sausages my friend. I have been at every Bear camp since 1988 except 1998 and I can say I have not seen so many of my Bear fan brothers out in full force. I heard that there was more than 6,000 spectators in the house. That's the most since 1986 when a certain team, led by a certain man known only as Iron Mike led us to the promise land. Let me tell you this my friend, this is another special team led by another special man. This man's name is Jay Cutler.



He hasn't thrown an official pass as a Bear yet, but I can tell you this - he will be the greatest NFL quarterback of all time.
He seemed to float over horizon as he strutted onto the field. He only signed a few autographs, but that's ok, I don't want my QB wasting his energy signing autographs. Although, I'm sure he has plenty of energy in those strong, rippling biceps. I heard that he bench pressed 300lbs over 50 times at the combine a few years ago. Anyway, he got behind center and right out of the box, zing! right to Hester who took it to the house. Holy crap is this guy good!

The next series he was even better, he hit Olsen and then Rashied Davis with a rocket fueled pass that bounced off his hands. I yelled at him, I said 'Hey Jay, take it easy you're gonna break his hands!". I think he looked in my direction, but I don't know for sure. Wow! This guy is awesome. Fuck Favre. Too bad Walter couldn't have been here to see this guy. He would have been so proud. R.I.P Sweetness.

You won't believe what happened next. They lined Cutler up in this wildcat formation. The fans started going nuts. He lined up on the left and Hester took the snap. Hester busted it up the middle for a nice little gain. Crap are you serious? Cutler and Hester in the wildcat? This could be the next Montana to Rice, or better! Think Montana to Rice and then Rice back to Montana times two. This is going to be unstoppable! Cutler will throw at least 50 TDs and break the record. He might catch another 25 out of this formation. How's that for a wrinkle? He might have 75 TDs total this year.

Stop that Packers!

Ballinski Out

The classics never die.